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Monday, January 23, 2017

Pergi takkan kembali [Part 1]

Pada 8 Januari 2017 (bersamaan dengan 9 Rabiul Akhir 1438 H) pada hari Ahad.

Ayahanda/Daddy/Bapak telah kembali ke rahmatullah pada hari tersebut. I was still in Miri 3 days before. On Friday, I received a phone call from mami using my auntie phone saying that they are bringing my daddy to the emergency room since he fall, bleeding and somehow started mumbling something that none of us know what. (but this is not the cause)

Note that this is not rare ok. My daddy has been on and off from hospital for the past 3 years since he started dialysis in 2014 if I'm not mistaken.

I remember I received the phone calls when I was in the office arounod 3pm on Friday 6th January 2017. I don't feel good about it. Because usually, I'll be the last to know about all that happen in my family (well, still consider not the first). Before mami call bagitau tentang diorang otw ke hosp, my cousin already messaging me asking what happen to my father. and she is in KL. lagi jaoh dari my hometown. But that day, mami call me and said that they are going to bring daddy to the emergency room, nothing to be worried. It's just same old thing and they just want to bring daddy to the hospital for more check up. Just in case. Cause he's so fragile nowadays.

I tried to stay calm throughout the work. Busykan dengan kerja2. But you know. I can feel it in my bones something was off.

And around 5.15 pm when I'm about to go home. My brother send me a msg saying "Izzati, balik sekarang"

My brother never send me something like that. He's the type of people who always kid and play around.

I have nothing to expect. Nothing to think. I don't have much money in pocket.

But I am lucky to have beautiful and supportive families and friends. They all chip in for me to bring back something and for my plane tickets.

nak beli flight awal tak mampu sebab dah last minute sangat. terlalu mahal, so I settle for the last flight. Which means I will arrive in Kch midnight.

Sampai di Kch my bff amik kat airport and kitorang terus ke hosp. Cari2 kat emergency tak jumpa diorang and daddy. Dalam kepala dah fikir ahh sudah. Tadi kemain dalam group whatsapp boleh kata the whole family kat sana. Ni sorang pun tak nampak. Dah macam2 difikirkan ni. Takut apa-apahal kan.

Last abang msg, dia just cakap suruh balik sekarang. Sebab daddy bakal di intube. Kalau dah intube kemungkinan dia tak sedar. I was so devastated actually. I was planning to call him the next day. Which is hari sabtu keesokan hari nya. You know just to talk the usual talk. and update him about what I told him last week, that I already tender my resignation letter. but it will take 6 months for me to come back home. (I'll tell about this next time)

I ran throughout the hospital emergency area. yellow zone and such. Memang tak jumpa. my family, my mother, my brother, niece nephew. semua tak jawab phone. So i just duduk kat kerusi luar emergency tu, trying to calm myself down. Try lagi call abang, and lepas beberapa kali cuba akhirnya dia jawab. Dia suruh try cari kat redzone, which is memang zone yg mmg aku tak masok. Sbb ingatkan dia bukan kat sana kan.

Masok jer dalam redzone (tak byk katil dalam ni, so senangla nak scan muka sorang2 cari my daddy) and yet dia takda dalam sana. Dah mati akal nak cari kat mana lagi. Baru nak keluar dari redzone nampak ada sorang nurse baru masuk. Terus tanya nurse tu, Sapiee kat mana?
Being a responsible and efficient nurse, he knows exactly where my father is. Tingkat 8 Bilik 24. *lari terus ke atas* sambil cakap thank you!

Time jalan di tingkat 8 sambil nak cari katil daddy. Ngam2 pulak mami baru keluar dari toilet. She looks exhausted but still beautiful though.

When I arrived at my daddy's bed. It is so devastated so see him lying there, in-tube, unconscious, being so skinny than usual and aged with time. Know that my daddy is an active person. Always work. Going here and there to do things with us, or with his grandchildren or friends. and to see him lying on the hospital bed. It crush me. It crush me so much to see him in that conditions.

I hug and kiss him on the cheek and forehead. Bisik kat dia bagitau I'm home. I'm home. I'm here. Be strong. You can do this. I will be waiting for you to open your eyes. You need to fight. I'll be waiting.

I don't know if its only my feeling. Or if i imagined things. Tapi I can see macam dia ketap bibir menahan nangis/sakit. Tak dapat bercakap. Tak keluar air mata. Seriously it looks like that. But dia kan unconscious. So maybe I just imagined it.

So I stay there until 2 or 3 am waiting for my brother to come to replace my mom taking care of my daddy that day and I will bring mami home for awhile and come back in the morning.

**********

As early as 6am, we already prepare to go to the hosp. Sampai ja kat hosp, I still can't look. It still crush me so much. and to know that he's been waiting for my return for so long and when I do return, he doesn't even know that I'm there.

Luckily that day, I stayed there. in the hospital walaupun mami ada utk temankan daddy. But I still there accompany them both. And dalam pukul 10 pagi, my niece msg me asking where am I, dah sampai kuching ka belum? So I bagitahulah I dah kat hospital. Datang la sini lawat sekali. Being a good niece she is. Dia pun dtg dihantar oleh pakcik dia guna motorsikal (gigih tak gigih?) and dia stay dengan aku sampai petang kat hospital sekali dgn mami and dadi.

During that time, boleh tengok, all the fluid dalam badan daddy dah start keluar dari mulut dia, dari hidung until quite a few times, we have to do suctions cause it keep on flowing. I hate to see it when the nurses do the suction from his nose and mouth. Tengok jer dah tau sakit. Mungkin daddy rasa jugak kot tapi he cannot do anything. He cannot move and such.

I stay there until 3/4pm I don't remember. Then balik rumah tuka amik barang yang mami suruh utk bawak pergi hospital lagi. Then my niece cakap suruh call adik2 dia semua datang hospital lawat atok (my daddy). So kitorang pun datang balik around 5.30pm dgn cucu cucu kesayangan dia semua. Kebetulan time tu adalah waktu melawat. Terkejut tetiba tengok org ramai kat area katil daddy. Kebanyakan adik beradik dia dan adik beradik mami ada kat sana untuk melawat. He is so loved. So much by everybody.

Dah macam pasar malam pun ada aku tengok kat hospital time tu. Terlalu ramai orang dan padat. Dah macam keramaian dah.
I'm happy to see him surrounded by those people that loves him.

Daripada kawan2 dia yang jaoh, dekat, yang dah lama tak jumpa, selalu jumpa. Semua datang melawat.

Beberapa jam kat sana. Lepas tu aku bawak anak2 buah yang perlu balik ke rumah dulu. I think time tu dalam pukul 7.30pm kot.

Lepas hantar semua balik. Then I went to my in laws house. Sebab diorang tak tau pun aku ada kat Kch time tu. at the same time nak bawak hubs lawat daddy sekali.

I come back around 12pm or 1am on Sunday already lah kan. Sebab nak amik mami bawak balik rumah suruh rehat dulu.
Abg yang akan ganti jaga daddy sampai awal pagi and as usual awal pagi aku sampai lagi utk take over.

Sampai ja kat rumah. Mandi dulu. Then kemas2 nak tidur. Nak bgn awal esok pagi kan. Mami pun turut kemas nak mandi.

Lepas habis kemas baru aku tgk phone balik. Lupa pulak phone is on silent mode. Tengok call dari abang was like so many. And then yg buat aku tergamam is bila baca whatsapp dari abang.

"Bapak tengah CPR. Jantung dah berhenti 2 kali. Denyut nadi makin slow setiap kali CPR. Mungkin berhenti buat kali ke 3. Bawak mak balik ke hospital"

Masih stucked terduduk kat lantai lepas baca msg. Lari keluar ke bilik mami. Mami masih mandi. I know how mami is if she's in shocked, so I try to calm myself down first sebelum nak sampaikan khabar. I don't want mami pulak to be collapsed sebab terkejut kan. She's to tired and she just need rest for now.
Lepas mami mandi, I go and knock her room. Ceria jer muka dia lepas dapat mandi and berehat sebentar. Tak sampai hati nak sampaikan khabar duka.

But I have too.

So I did.

Dan muka mami terus berubah. She ask me what to do. what to do now? She sounds panicked. She look panicked. I tell her to relax, calm her. and ask her to change cloth so we can go back to the hosp. She only nodded to what I'm saying and close the door.

I wake my hubs from sleeping and apologies sbb kacau dia tidur and suruh kemas (update to him the situation)

Being him. The sleepyhead. He always being so clumsy waking up in a hurry. So dia just guna baju shirt and seloar pendek.

Being me. I take his seluar melayu (the long baju melayu pants) and his jeans so he can choose which he want to wear later. (I already can sense something is going to go wrong from here, Not I don't have faith for him to be better. but it was something like maybe I feel that it's time. Or just maybe I rather he don't feel these pain)

Then we directly went to the hospital. All 4 of us. Me, mami, hubs and Syazwan (not so little cousin from KL) Glad that he's here.

Mami dah tak kisah. Lampu isyarat langgar jer. Luckily it was early morning. So, tak banyak kereta kan. or none at all

**********

A little later we arrive at the hospital. I can see abang from afar and his wife and a doctor talking. 

I don't feel good. I literally don't feel good but I keep myself together. 

Then abang amik kerusi, suruh mami duduk dulu. Take her breath. 

(you know this already not a good sign right?)


p/s I'll continue later. This is for my own memories later days. Don't judge if I'm being full disclosure here. 




Thursday, November 24, 2016

Display of own affection

Dear Diary,

Do you ever get sick of me talking bout death?

Its been years since Mister died. or actually when I found out that he died. A very good friend of mine.
He wanted me to go back to school. Work years later and live my life. So here I am.
Back to school. Studying. Going to class. Finish my school. Changing works after works years later. Trying to move on like everyone else but I still can't feel that I've been living my life.

And with other things happen in my life.

I have adopted my own distraction.

Besides the more I have others to think about. The less I have to miss him. But in the meantime, I choose to believe that he's watching over me. Because that's what Mister is. He's always watching over people and help them.

But sometimes its hurt that when you have miss someone lesser, you got another one to be miss.

Crap.

What did I think?


Wednesday, November 23, 2016

SLING BAG AND ZALORA SALES



ZALORA SALES

I still remember that I have voucher by Zalora that I get last year and I almost forgot that it will expired in December.
 Sikit lagi... sikittt lagi nak lupa. Kalau lupa rugilah kan? Tetiba expired. hehe

So, last Saturday pergi lah godek website Zalora and of course la pergi section sling bag. (I have a thing for sling bag. I have like lots and lots of sling bag collection). Sorry lah eh, saya ada masalah kekurangan hormon keperempuanan sikit. hahaha. Ngam pulak  time godek website tu adalah tengah malam hari Jumaat (11 November 2016), so apparently time tu jugak diorang tgh buat sale 11.11 SALES!





There's this bag cost RM205 if I'm not mistaken. Then diorang discount until RM 163.90. Tapi malam SALES 11.11 tu diorang buat offer sampai RM112.80. Nampak tak jauh dia turun? hehehe
and since I have voucher for RM100. So, to cut things short. I place on order for it. ahahahahaha Sabtu order. Hari Isnin time keja  pegi lah check ddelivery kan.. (nampak sangat tak sabar)





Actually I don't really expect the parcel to arrive at least a week after I place an order. Dahlah order time weekend kan. So fikir mungkin diorang belum proses ke apa ke. Tapi hari Isnin check dah sampai Delivery Branch. Macam tak caya. hahaha and yes. On the same day jugak petang sikit sampailah barang.

I am a happy woman I tell you.





I am buying the bag for only RM12.80.


And now that I check back. The cost increase again to RM164 even with discount.

 So

 Thank You for the 11.11 Sales~~





p/s Ala2 reward utk diri sendiri la tu (konon) hahahaha

Friday, September 30, 2016

Update about Pertandingan Silat Piala Presiden RSS 2016 - Part 2

Update about Pertandingan Silat Piala Presiden RSS 2016 

Mostly semua peserta dah tak sabar-sabar nak mula main besok I'm pretty sure about it. So before anything. Let's take a look about a few pictures yang aku dapat daripada group perguruan kami. Credit and Thanks to our senior Azman for the pictures.


 So, macam ni lah rupa entrance dewan RSS batu kawa untuk menyambut kedatangan peserta dan penonton yang hadir. Not bad huh?
I like the banner whoever design it. Thanks for the awesome banner! *thumbs up*




*zooming in for the banner*




This... this is actually what excites me. boleh imagine tak before pertandingan. Gambar dulu untuk kenangan lain kali kan. so boleh tahu dah sapa lawan next and next. Good concept tho.




Yang ni keadaan kawasan dalam dewan. Di fahamkan diorang pasang kawasan tatami ni (ala2 stage lah kan) kalau just pasang 1. Lama nak tunggu next turn.








So, there's about it for now. Kalau ada update lain. I'll be sure to share with you guys. Come and support k? Let me repeat in case you guys forget.

Pertandingan Silat Piala Presiden RSS Zon Kawasan Kuching 
Tempat : Dewan RSS di Batu Kawa, Kuching. Sarawak 
Tarikh : 1-3 Oktober 2016 

Masa bermula seawal jam 9 pagi kalau tak silap (I'll have to get back to you guys bout that)

So, datang beramai-ramai untuk memeriahkan dewan rss dan memberi sokongan untuk seni mempertahankan diri yang tak lapuk di telan zaman. Mana tahu boleh nak pilih2 berminat nak join lain kali kan?

Good luck untuk peserta yang join!








































Thursday, September 29, 2016

PERTANDINGAN SILAT PIALA PRESIDEN RSS ZON KAWASAN KUCHING - Part 1



Another posting about martial art iaitu seni silat.
Reminiscing again, I've post about this last time, you guys can check itu HERE.


Tapi hari ni bukan nak cita pasal Malam Pendekar dah. Kali ni nak bagitau ada satu lagi pertandingan untuk semua hadir menonton. Bagi sokongan dekat abang, kakak dan adik2 kita kan.

PERTANDINGAN SILAT PIALA PRESIDEN RSS  ZON KAWASAN KUCHING
anjuran Rumpun Silat Sarawak



Event ni akan diadakan dalam bulan Oktober. To be exact. Ia bermula 1 Oktober 2016 - 3 Oktober 2016. So time tu cuti lagi kan. Tak tau nak bawak family pergi mana. boleh lah beramai-ramai memenuhi Dewan Rumpun Silat Sarawak dekat MJC, Batu Kawa, Kuching.

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Friends that ship together. Nope. Not talking about sailing here.

Assalamualaikum dan Salam sejahtera. (Ecewah. Tetiba rasa skema)






Anyway, dah lama tak update dengan benda-benda kerja or benda-benda biasa kan. So, hari ni, tetiba pulak datang ilham nak update pasal my relationship with my besties. You see, semua pasti ada kawan baik, kawan rapat, teman rapat, teman sehidup semati lah kan. I have few of those. yang memang will always be there whenever I need them tak kira masa or tempat or apa. Memang sentiasa ada kalau diperlukan. Sungguhpun kalau diorang busy yang menyebabkan diorang tak dapat nak entertain my drama. Or my kekangan masa to entertain their drama. We all understand. Understand yang sungguhpun tak sentiasa bersama, tak selalu call mahupun message. We all know that whatever we do. We always in each others mind.
Tapi so far alhamdulillah, di sebabkan oleh teknologi yang serba canggih sekarang kan. Dengan whatsapp, wechat, telegram, facebook, instagram dan bermacam2 lah. Tipu lah kalau takde update segala. Tak perlu la nak 24 jam tanya ko buat apa. pi mana segala. Tengok jer social media sekarang insyaAllah korang akan TERupdate sekali dgn social life diorang.

*Ok stop. Dah merapu lebih. Takde intipati dah*

It's true when people say, makin kita berusia, kawan pun berkurang sebenarnya. and nowadays it is more to quality then quantity. Banyak mana pun kawan kalau dah time susah sekerat jer yang datang. Tak payah la nak datang menolong. Datang tanya khabar pun dah boleh tahan kan. Tapi kadang-kadang itu pun susah sekarang.

So mostly my childhood friend now is Yan and Fika. Both of them are my angel and demon in disguise. They can be good and great like the sun that shines upon us or can be mean and cranky like you never expect them to be. Friendship macam ni pun macam lebih kurang relationship korang dengan husband/wife korang tau.
Setia, understanding, tolak ansur. Still needed here.

As of this year. we've been friends for more than 23 years already. (Oh my I'm getting old)

*this remind me of my birthday month in October where I'll be in my 3 series*

Wow... how times flies kan.

Anyway, they both doesn't have a blog. So they wouldn't know that I post anything about them. I like to keep some of my life private. hhaaha ok private lah sangat kalau dah korang pun boleh baca ni kan. Cuma diorang belum berkesempatan nak tahu pasal the existence of this blog.





It is true tho, there's something about it that u can't replace. Kitorang pun pernah lost contact like years but when we found each other. it's like nothing ever stop. Gosip, catching up macam tak pernah lost contact. How I miss all those moments. Moment2 dari kecik kan. Dulu2 mana la tau semua tu nak jadi memori. Dulu tau nak main main main jer ... So.... yeah... treasure those times kids. Dulu time I main2 dulu mana ada kamera, smartphone bagai. So memori yang tersimpan dalam gambar or video mmg limited. Yang ada hanya cerita dan memori di minda jer. I hope I will never forget all those. Kalau dulu dah ada smartphone bagai ni. Memang banyak la koleksi gambar.








Memang betul pun kan ? What is more beautiful than friendship growing strong? Eventhough masing2 dah ada family. Kekangan masa segala. I will always love them no matter what.

 Every one has a friend during each stage of life. But only lucky ones have the same friends in all stages of life. 


I am lucky to have them in my life.





Friday, September 9, 2016

Trouble in Paradise

There's always trouble rise somewhere. Well, not actually trouble.
I maybe hurt one of my friend. Well, truth to be told. I never actually meant to hurt her. Its just that she knows that I'm outspoken and sometimes maybe too harsh.
That's my problem tho. Maybe I'm way too outspoken or maybe there's something in the tone that I use that day.
I really didn't mean to hurt her. She's the last person I want to hurt here. Since she's my only friend in this new place and how she always help me everytime I'm in trouble.

Its something silly actually. Really silly. IF I'm thinking it back. Maybe I could not think that its 'that' reason that make her angry/mad at me for awhile. She feel offended cause that one time, I was joking with her about that one purple shoe of her that she 'accidently' clorox it and it changes the color. So, i just tell her.

WHYYYY.. why did u do that??? why??? U know clorox is for what and u were the one who taught me whats the clorox for bla bla bla and maybe other things that I've said?

Well, she's offended by it.
she said she's being shallow by it and too sensitive. but maybe I was the one who's being insensitive as well?
Y'know, being too outspoken and sometimes maybe I'm too comfortable with her like my own bff from my childhood that I didn't realize that I might her with my words and my voice tones.

Sorry friend. I know u know that I have a blog and chances that u will not stumble unto this blog since u only read English and not Malay u might skip my blog. Hehehe

But truly. I'm sorry. I already confront you and asking your forgiveness just now. I just hope you really meant it when you say that your feeling ok already.

Love u buddy!


p/s maybe that is the problem with me? With whatever happen in my life especially with the ehem? That I'm too insensitive?