I see beauty in everything but me

Sometimes, something can't be express by words. It just can't and I don't know how to explain it other than words. If only I can create a rendering inside my mind just to show people how exactly I feel, I would. But I could't. The perks of being human.
There is so many things to say, so little time and no words at all. Literally, no words. All I have now is a mumbling about me self trying to figure out the words I'm trying to say. So, basically, if anybody reading this. You've been punk to read the same sentences repeatedly all over again with maybe a different syllabus and such. And it just to prove one thing.

I'm over my head. I'm not feeling good. My head hurt. My heart ache. I'm in big hospital with my heart connected to all those needles that needed to poke (not literally) and I'm in pain. Like pain that cannot be explain to anyone who never actually experience it.
That's the things about pain, it actually demands to be felt.

Just know that pain changes people, but it is temporary cause I can't quit. Cause quitting means forever. Right now, the things that I'm feeling is the worst kind of pain cause I am smiling just to stop the tears from falling.


It just hurts.... a lot.

Give me life,
give me pain,
give me myself again.